So Heavy Right Now: Breath, Rhythm, and Examined Life

January 23 2026

So heavy right now it's best just to focus on the basics. Other than trying to relinquish control I don't wish to directly let my emotions dictate my writing. Or maybe I do. There are no rules here even when I say there are rules. I am contrarian to the core. So we go back to the breath also when we lose track of where we are. Or I come back to the page and not wanting to continue from before but just continue I come back to breath, posture, looseness of hand and general pressure where less is more but that is also influenced by the rate at which ink flows out of pen. And deep slow and relaxed breath in and let it back out while narrating with pen so everything is going all at once and reaching that moment where all those checks have been made those systems are operational and it's now about the legibility of what is coming out and keeping a steady rhythm of movement coming back to check on posture, breath and pen pressure but at this point it all comes together and somewhere, sometime things go into autopilot mode. Between breaths, breaks and interruptions (and poor spelling, made up letters, hands that pain and eyes that burn) there must be a sense of speed without which there would be no flow and also what the time spent to make the activity of writing and using pen to form letters and even capture thoughts as a transmission device for even the thoughts we know not where they are produced nor how and if any are ever original or more accidental and how that comes to be from mere repetition? Introduction from external source? or just brute force + repitition. As much as I want to think and select and plan the words as writer my role is better served as investigator to the human condition and I'll use myself as the selection for analysis of a life well examined and hopefully well-lived. What is the meaning of well lived.

How many personal indiscretions is one allowed before it is obvious this is not the life where karma draws down and looks like it could be an accumulation lifetime. Or is that not how any of this works? Likely.

Back to letters and the ease of the pen. Sometimes the writing wants to choose tempo and temperament. Sometimes the motion determines the look and feel of font and kerning when it comes to writing longhand. Is it an art? Was it ever? Or simply a means of communication and for information transference and recording. To pause, that which otherwise would remain in motion. To print and take from abstract and using language words form concrete meaning from otherwise fleeting thoughts that like dreams fade back into the "Universe of Consciousness" ⊙

The words the writing like everything can always go on. Without much focus they will take to their own accord and begin forming and running across the page although how they communicate with each other before being written well that must be happening as the words come out and through some process where the body is able to communicate more directly with mind and enter flow state and we call that Art. And art for profit is marketing. Art for Art sake is practice and priceless when done without thought for obvious extrinsic value but rather can be seen for its intrinsic beauty and that is true value. That is deep beauty. Spiral bound, college rule also helps sometimes to keep things going and to push myself just that little bit more just a little bit harder, the good kind of hormesis. From which one grows stronger, more resilient

This page is unexpected. Whether at the middle or the end I will not question but rather work hard to stick to the craft and duty I have assigned myself as witness and scribe to my consciousness and to engage in thought recording exercises that possibly may also pickup whatever other transmissions I make myself available to. To go into trance and be scribe for whatever transmissions might also be able to challenge is fine but not expected. The work as I see it is interaction with my local neural neighborhood and using language and the art of expressing thought through writing see what can be captured, created or culled from possibly ancient cells and distant memories. To see if there is a way to tap into our connection with universe. And live among the stars, Gods of the many systems. As I paused to reflect and found I had just lost myself in thought I'm reminded of my goal to keep moving and on the paper during this session at all costs even if not knowing how to go forward because what I find is it is even more difficult to start again once stopped like having to restart a car engine and when the battery is low it sometimes helps to just keep it fast and tight and sometimes yes sometimes even a third time you cruise in neutral talking about breath and posture and what else is part of the practice to keep the flow going keep hand moving and pen writing and the rolling not worrying too much about what your pulling in and if it gets a little messy and crazy and fast and wild that is okay too and you just have to come back and re-center and keep on running. Before you know it you even forget you are here and that there is a scribe at all. Those pages are why the effort to put in the time to put in the miles on paper to work out the physical kinks pay off. So you can keep going when even you thought you would have never even come this far when you started and at this point you may not even be counting anymore and are going for it just keeping to the loose grip easy breath and gentle posture to keep moving and gliding and putting letters form magic meaning through words. That is all thanks to mind how it is put together and that act becomes art. One can refine through editing but it is not how perfect (or not) something is that alone creates the value of the art but how it was produced and under which conditions and during which time and under which circumstance.

The closer the artist is to death that is their strike line for assymetric gains. So dont use time to derive value from art but extract value from time to create more art by freeing more time by creating value through time and optionality. Creating VALUE through time decay. An interesting proposition and there are so few areas where time is beneficial like this. It generally is running out or in too short of supply and demand for time is at an all time high in the history of time-keeping by humans. That we evolved to ponder time and not merely wonder but catalogue and write about the stars and the universe. To know what we humans know to feel as we do and to write as only we can, that is what is beautifully human and beautifully fragile and something to cultivate preserve and express as art. To shape the human inner light and find ways to exist with universe and darkness all around and know the stars are the GUIDE POSTS

Related Explorations

• Hormesis, Universe, and Late-Night Flow - The night before: hormesis, the good kind of stress this entry comes back to.
• Stay Out of the Way: Being a Scribe to Consciousness - Five days later, the witness-and-scribe idea taken further.