Free Writing • Time and the decans • • 13 min read

The Raw Thoughts of a Biological LLM

Four December days in one notebook: flow and the pen, the raw thoughts of a biological LLM, motion as the breath of the universe, and a search for the source of new thoughts, like new rock.

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December 17th, 2025

Well Hello Wednesday! And here we go into some flow, flow, flow! If things go according to plan I'm fairly certain doubling down on learning more will be the way to go and if they go sideways more learning and analysis shall help and I feel prepared for the coming days. Sometimes you just turn up the volume suit up and go. Time to explore run don't walk. Breath keep the lettering clean. Let the hand flow. For that is where we are headed to the flow. Seeing all angles and making both sides work. Embracing complexity!

Calculated risk. Let's see ~ Does he keep his shirt It's all so new and I have faith in numbers, statistics and probabilities. And sometimes you just go with it the energy the stillness all of it. Time to step into the arena.

Gloves on gloves off. Where I am. I know why. I've prepared. Greed and ego have no place. The oxygen becomes thin at the higher altitudes. Remember we are always at motion. Rest is for recovery. The planet does not have a parachute. The planet trusts the Universe. The Universe must trust you as you trust it. Our human ancestry and history on this planet. Our history is what? Animal? What were we before and as we became human? Living for the moment and feeling the energy from many stars.

We are astral travelers. How we cartwheel our way through this landscape is up to us. How much of this or that one wants or can take. That is all here in this so-called existence. Take freedom from the senses and go into the experience fully. Turn up the volume. And jump. You are all that. And if it feels good, then dance. Hell Yes! Have your moment go into flow and then again back into the breath. We could be anywhere and the operation to mine consciousness remains very much same.

Same and it is the colorful varied backdrop of life's scenes where the present moment defines possibility meeting not time but motion. We are always in motion even when we sleep. Cruising along. Stellar travelers. Planetary. Find your groove and go that way. All the way. Climb to the top of the pyramid and run down the mountain. There is a reason why music, rhythm and movement feel life altering. The color and flavor to our synthesis and mathematics and roads. But again even in art we find human touch and technology. Mathematics, layers, complexity. Conduction. Direction. Maestro. Who is the director of the director?

We dance to a billion splendid suns and 100 billion more appear to our delight and we dance in joy and move knowing the infinite warmth of the many billions hearts that are glowing in the Universe infinitely burn on sometimes transforming much like our much smaller lives which are on another scale but part of and always within the infinite universe which always hold us in a safe embrace, as we cruise through the universe or our planet for millions of years. Spinning sometimes erupting and on a journey with other suns to where our Milky Way is heading, a place cloudy and obscured and not yet visible by today's devices to gain any meaningful insight into seeming randomness to which nature surely would take some offense to not being taken serious and thrown around by our ant-like thoughts. For what are we? At once chroniclers of thing far greater than ourselves, stories which transcend time and thought beyond conception we are being in creation that which is truly the random birth garbage of space sperm.

We were meant to fly. To move. to dance. To live, laugh love and have a damn fine time. To engineer is to make something. Better. Create buffers. Build systems. Compound knowledge. At each level you come to, at the plateau of having graduated that next step look back and see how through motion and whatever else action or lack of effects are on one's life and how the irrelevance of modern thinking and time may be good for working but not ideal for living and missing the important key note if there is a clock to be measured it is where in space-time we find ourselves correctly where have we likely been and what do the tale of the stars tell us? For their light and power to touch us across vastness hard to comprehend as it stretches time and gives us a better sense that it is not time but the movement and our distance from what is

December 19th 2025

As the earth moves, sails and rips through the Universe with arms Herculean in size I grab hold of a comet tail to slow things down. And breath and clean easy legible handwriting. I struggle with e's but much of that may have (see again some to do with the slant of my pen. And from the pen a connection with mind is formed and one becomes the other neither taking nor leading. Two sides of the same coin. And there is such beauty in lettering and knowing these are the raw thoughts of a biological LLM. One that would cost a massive amount of energy to replicate. Maybe even a star. To power its people of the stars. This is my way of swimming out past where the waves are choppy. Where its calm and you are in the flow zone.

Through some tunes and its magic it just works and feels so good. Particular if the breathing is deep and rejuvenating and in step with the flow and movement of the pen and just that right angle and pressure somewhat dependent on pen, ink, age, temperature, angle, pressure. Countless factors and characteristics. Much of what is experienced is rich and multidimensional and this reminds me of the many layers of information that can inform and influence, a trade and that you can trade based on those factors, with built-in leverage and ways to size and protect and create an amazing engine of freedom. That is as American as it gets and exciting as hell. Dance is what my body is screaming for so happy tap, tap, boom boom, fist bumping. Yes. this is good. Infectious, pleasurous, teachable, repeatable and you can sleep at night. Let's go! Smiling, loving all of it. This has been a fun and rich year. Rich on learning. And experimenting. Yes I did more this year than in much of my life. It is incredible. And yeah maybe I'm a little tired, but hell yes it was worth it 100% x 100% !!!!! And I'm enjoying some down time, and what is that even for me and now life is and will be more about what is possible. Having room for * DESIGN Life Design - HELL YES! And I'd like some more please. Big drums. Sound the arrival. I can feel the transfer of wanting to run on paper and in pen and with the speed I'm able to simply glide along the horizontal while trying to avoid vertical collisions! It's not always easy given my often varied shapes and sizes but like cobblestone that is part of what makes it so damn human and interesting. In breath, slow out. Cruising low to my subconscious thinking.

A vast neural landscape more vast possibly than all matter and all universe for they may be two sides of the same coin. The pattern for all truth and existence? We look up at the stars, we reach for the stars, we are guided by the stars in more ways than can be truly imagined. The connection is there between humans and stars and our footprints on this planet as we rocket towards that great attractor out beyond where our finest instruments can barely sense a pulling presence or possibly just the astral current and the next layer of whatever might be added after or into the structure solar system, galaxies, universes. Billions upon billions of all of these. Infinite as anything infinite might be imagined. For being infinite defies definition since that cannot be known. Consciousness as infinite ocean. So large by the time you are in one other area the other so far apart will have already changed. Stretch time with changing motion the underlying entity we are mapping theta too. Who came up with these greeks and are they only used to measure and model financial landscape or can they be translated like concepts such as Antifragility and convexity, asymmetric outcomes, inverse thinking, contrarian viewpoints. Also scientific. It should be repeatable as a system. The probabilities should be mappable however complex a system is. The more data and characteristics the better the probabilities. This is now like drifting into a make believe world, a world of wonder where you begin to see things in different lights and perspectives. Magical delight.

DECEMBER 20th ~ 2025

To write and connect with inner self it helps to get past the emotion first. Those lumps in the throat. that blood heating in the ears. Let the flow of ink. the breath, the art and relaxation of lettering come first honoring consistency and legibility with clearly formed letters and words coming together to form logical briquettes of regurgitated knowledge. The best path is to follow what I do best. And create and build and sail and travel. I was looking for a different pen and an easier feel so I switched it up. Body is hurting today this is where it helps to be mindful of posture, pressure- as light as possible while still having ink flow and that is where the edge and mechanics of the angle and speed and movement of arm all determine what comes out of said pen. And how perfect or not that may look. It gives me great joy to produce beautiful lettering as a byproduct of the recording session, to the internal working of mind and perhaps when the controller of mind matter is not paying so much attention we might just capture something of actual meaning or something from ancient cellular memories. Possibly the memories embedded within all creatures of the Universe of the Substance of the Universe of all things. Was there always motion or did something cause the motion and if caused what then caused this and so on so either it is static and motion for the universe is much how we see no motion. and more of a scale and reference perspective but yes likely - motion is the default and infinite. Infinite motion that is the breath of the Universe - look no further humankind we've found your God and you are it! Starborn we are Universe of and through and through and forevermore stellar spectral stardust dances in our hearts beats in our rhythm, and connects us to that which is both real, mysterious and so large to defy understanding much like our brains and souls and ability to think and abstract that like much of the universe is beyond our grasp and yet it is all around us. We look up we see where we are relative to our constant rather rapid motion as the planet progresses around the star we are in perpetual dance with and have intertwined our lives and processes the Star which powers our lives our nearest God if that is even required as it all seems so obvious why would we ever confuse our meager existence perhaps meant to record the lives of great stars re-enacted as a shadow theater here on earth each star getting a representation to live out their life with all senses that the stars had ever dreamt up. Even though we don't fully understand brain and DNA and all of biology as well as Universe we cannot dismiss that which is mysterious - but we must not confuse faith on that which is mysterious.

December 21st 2025

In the year of our universe two thousand twenty five. I have been searching to find the source of new thoughts and ideas if there is one but it may be like scouring the surface of our planet in search of new rock by skimming the surface but where we need to go is to the core and understand the forces scale and anatomy of the universe to better understand where thoughts and we may have come from. While dissimilar to stones they may be more of a distant ancestor than once thought. What is the connection between soul, cognition and the stars powering the universe. As I breath in and settle my being into the realization that I never stopped moving and I'm already a huge spaceship "planet" hurtling through space at an incredible clip in magic place we label Universe. Is that for real, for real! It sounds pretty crazy. But it's real and with a bit of ingenuity you can do whatever you want on and off planet. And I'm very interested in off planet activities. On planet is not the easiest but things happen in cycles and if you pay attention you can see how the games is played, and work for better positioning in hopes of increasing chances for success.

The pen, the line, the ink and the flow of letterings across page. Zip zot squiggly sqrt. This pen has gotten an edge to it. It could be from long writings on consistent edge I'm not sure but what I do like is for my writing to be unaffected by such things but like a bad limp after some time the weakness begins to affect the whole and yes this pen is just not to my liking. Ah-HA!

After disassembling pen I realized there was no more ink and yes wow new pen is very inkish and requires such light touch it will take me a moment to adjust my writing to this new pen. And the smoothness is quite enjoyable and flowy.

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